Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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