Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my liver is dry heaving
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
