Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
