i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
