I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
