Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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