I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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