hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
