I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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