he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
