I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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