I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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