It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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