you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
