My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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