oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
