batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
