literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
