I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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