he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
