I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
