I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
