We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
