Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
