when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
