I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
