This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
