You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
