i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
