Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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