Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
