I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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