we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
