I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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