just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
