He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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