We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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