I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
