i just sent this text using only my big toe
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
