you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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