Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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