This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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