SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
