She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
