You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
