We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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