dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
