I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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