She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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