Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
