My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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