I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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