How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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