I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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