in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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