All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
