My friends, they love my intelligence
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
